This morning, my 8 year old sister poked her head around my door, and said “Holly! Guess what I’ve found!!!” I expected maybe a flower or a bracelet that she’d forgotten about, but no. She, came baring love letters that my brother had hidden under his bed. It was one of those “100 things I love about you” type things, and memories of my first “boyfriends” came flooding back to me. Lets be clear though… When I say boyfriend, I mean an elected male who would bob up and down with me at school discos and maybe give me some gum if I was feeling extra saucy.
Devaun and I had a bit of a ‘sugar daddy’ relationship if I’m honest. Unhealthy I know, but he bought me a Disney Princess doll for my birthday and if that doesn’t count as true love, it don’t know what will. One day on the playground he just stood and puckered out his lips. Now, myself and my best friend were nothing short of risqué (at age 6) and we both ran past him and gave him a little peck one right after the other! Lucky sod…
In my tiny little primary school, there was 14 girls in a class, and one boy. Poor, poor Ryan… Looking back it was sort of savage the way we clawed for him, but you know what it’s like girls… Being denied testosterone can do all sorts of things to you. Anyway. We would all “take turns” with him, but myself, Georgina and Danielle were his favourites, I reckon. I (very quickly) was taken off of this list, as I had accidentally wiped my bloody knee on the back of his shirt when he was sat on the floor. YOUR LOSS, RYAN! Being madly, wildly in love with him (may I remind you, again, age 10) I set out on my mission of sabotage. Not only had I been outdone by these two girls, but he bought them playboy necklaces and I simply was not having any of it. My plan for sabotage was to put a note in to one of their trays saying that they had been dumped, but fate smiled upon me and saved me the dirty work. All the girls crowded around Georgina’s tray, to see if Ryan had put any love notes in, and lo and behold he had.
Your hair looks like sick
Admittedly, he had meant to say ‘silk’ but this was justice enough for me. We eventually rekindled our burning flame of love, and he stole a cup of tea for me during a school fete. Romance at it’s height. This continued for maybe half a year (STILL 11) but the thing that really tipped me over the edge was his love for salt and vinegar crisps… I leave that open to your interpretation…