I am not lazy. I tell myself as I continue to watch Netflix, seeing my grades slip all the way down the stairs, out the window and eventually into the bin. I know I shouldn’t even be writing this post, and further procrastinating, but here are my tips on how to survive A levels. Sorta.
1. Forget about sleep!
Lazy people don’t have time to sleep, everyone knows that! After putting of work for weeks, you’ve desperately tried to get it all done a few hours before the deadline, am I right? I’ve been there, we’ve all been there. Admittedly, I’ve been there a few more times than I would have liked, but you just gotta get used to it. I would even suggest throwing your sleep schedule out before school, just to make you extra prepared. I mean, it would be cruel and illusory for you to trick your body into thinking you will be getting 8+ hours of sleep a night, wouldn’t it? Sleep is a luxury, among MANY other things, that you simply won’t be able to afford.
2. Just read the god damn book…
I’m studying English literature, a fairly large course, and can you believe that I haven’t even fully read one of the books that I’m going to be sitting an exam on in 2 weeks? Me neither. I hate myself for it, and I’ve had to re-read it in total about four times because of this. Just read the stupid thing, and get it done. I’M BEGGING YOU.
3. ‘Hobo Friday’ everyday.
At my school, we have this thing called hobo Friday. The basic principle is that you’ve dressed nice all week, but Friday is just so close to the weekend that its a little more acceptable to be sloppy. I know, it’s gross, but greasy hair is also acceptable on hobo Friday. All is fair in love, war and hobo Friday. However, being lazy means that hobo Friday isn’t just limited to Friday, but is applicable to any day that ends in ‘ay’… It’s great if you’re a lazy little bum like me. A) Comfy clothes all the time, and B) nobody is expecting you to be good looking! A win – win situation if you ask me…
4. Get used to prison food.
Everyone knows that school dinners are quite comparable to prison food, but you’re just going to have to like it or lump it when it comes to it. Yes, I could be eating avocados and a finely chopped gourmet salad, but I could also have an extra 20 minutes hiding under my duvet. Sloppy brown stuff it is then… (If you’re feelin’ extra fancy, a £3 meal deal is always a good shout.)
5. Get good at BS’ing.
I, am the Queen of BS. I’m extremely proud of that title, and I must say, it’s a well earned one. If you’re not going to analyse all of the texts or spend hours doing essay questions, this is quite a skill to have. Like the time when I wrote a whole exam referencing completely made up people. Like the time I got an A on an essay that I didn’t even know the title to. Like the time that I passed all of my GCSEs! In fairness, GCSES were complete and utter BS, so that worked out quite well for me!
If all else fails, stare at this picture of the god that is Ryan Gosling. If this can’t motivate you, I’m afraid you’re doomed, my friend.